I think I'm getting an ulcer. I feel a twinge. A dull pain right below abdomen. Along with this aching, I can feel the culmination of my angst and frustrations writhing in my belly. I sense as though these frustrations are manifesting into the innate and primal desire to rip and gore the people around me.
I want to turn these people into rancid cuts of deli meat. I want to turn my friends' heads into what could only be described as inside out pomegranates. In my wildest and most selfish fantasies, my friends and acquaintances are all the stars of a Live-Leak snuff film, and I behind the camera howling in a foreign language. Of course, none of these things are going to happen. For the same reason I hesitate driving my car into the lake. My crippling cowardice.
Fear feasts on my inherent self-loathing. I find myself in the middle of what I want and everything that I hate. Fear keeps me in the middle. Our all-father and lord has placed within me a terror overwhelming to torture me in a prison of my own weakness. I am a pathetic and lonely creature who feeds on maggots and underlings. The lord gave me these ulcers and I have no choice but to thank him. The voice of the universe spits and finishes in my face and I relish in the sputum.